


The Airplane Ride from Hell

by Nia_Chamberlain



Series: The Misadventures of Alex Rider [1]
Category: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz, James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Airplanes, Alex and Bond are friends, Alex is a danger magnet, Alex is also done with your shit, Background Relationships, Bond didn't really have a choice, But he didn't complain, Christmas, Cliche Bad Guys, Forget Skyfall getting blown up, GSW, Hijackers, Injured Alex, It's still standing, Jack is dead, M/M, Manly Bond, Post-Mission, Probably a bit AU, Q adopted Alex, Q and Bond are in looove, Q is so done with your shit, Q likes Alex, Sassy Q, Skyfall References, So are Alex and Q, Vacation, Winter Break, is there any other kind though?, nicknames actually, probably some bad tense changes, the hijackers actually get names, this was created on a plane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 13:31:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5787028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nia_Chamberlain/pseuds/Nia_Chamberlain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Otherwise known as Alex-Just-Wants-To-Have-A-Nice-Normal-Vacation </p><p>Alex was invited to spend his Christmas break with a friend in Scotland. So post-mission, Alex catches a flight from Warsaw to Glasgow. Just his luck...there are hijackers aboard. </p><p>When is he going to catch a break?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Airplane Ride from Hell

Alex Rider was having a bloody terrible day. Just once he would like to have an ordinary experience. It started with his first kiss, then his first time shooting a gun, followed swiftly by the first time he had sex with a woman, his first pet (part of his cover or not, that golden retriever had been his up until it had gotten shot), his first concert, his first trip to America (he has zero desire to return), and (as is only fitting) the first time he'd had sex with a man. It wasn't like this was the first time he'd flown on a plane, so he couldn't argue that all his "first times" were being hijacked by terrible attempts at evil deeds by various clique villains. However, this was his first true vacation in almost three years and so far it was off to an absolutely terrible start.

The flight itself had started rather nicely; he could honestly say the monotonous routine of the airport was actually nice compared to the usually hectic way he got around on missions. They had managed to make it an hour into the two-and-a-half hour flight, heading from Warsaw to Glasgow. Technically he was taking a second flight into Glencoe Airport, but the end result was a nice vacation on a friend’s estate. Alex was enjoying his quiet seatmate, both absorbed in their own books when a man stood up to go to the restroom.

Usually this would be easily explainable but Alex was no ordinary person and thus noticed that the man was going to the front restroom, which was quite peculiar since the restroom in the back of the plane was much closer and wasn't busy, unlike the one at the front of the plane. So, naturally (and by naturally he meant honed through three years of extreme missions that lead to being constantly surrounded by life threatening danger) Alex perked up, keeping an eye on the man.

His focus on the man going to the restroom is why he didn't notice when a man at the back of the plane stood out of his seat, holding a hand to his back as though stretching out a horrible kink. At the front of the plane, the bathroom door opened and a woman came out; Alex's view was blocked by the man standing outside the door waiting. His senses were screaming at him and he was unbuckling his seatbelt to stand when shit hit the fan; all three people standing pulled out guns.

Both men pulled out a firearm, a SIG-Sauer P226, while the woman from the bathroom held an Armsel Striker, a 12-gauge shotgun with a revolving cylinder designed for riot control and intimidation. She held a large black bag in one hand, the shotgun held tightly in one hand. Alex groaned out loud but thankfully it was drowned out by the sound of gasps and a few screams from the startled and now frightened passengers. One of the flight attendants appeared behind the two in the front, taking the bag from the woman and slipping out another Armsel Striker.

Obviously the flight attendant was the one who snuck the weapons on the plane; now it was just a matter of figuring out why they wanted to hijack the plane in the first place. Never mind, screw that. All he cared about was stopping the situation before there could be any fatalities.

"Everyone shut up!"

The man who had first caught Alex's attention, whom he decided to nickname BB ( _for bathroom break, obviously_ ), was apparently the ringleader. He was directing the woman ( _looks like a Betty_ ) to stand near the center of the plane and the flight attendant ( _cleverly nicknamed Brutus, if I do say so myself_ ) to remain at the front of the plane. The man in the back ( _definitely a Luigi, if his ridiculous mustache is anything to go by_ ) shifted, pointing his gun at a man who was beginning to rise from his seat, effectively keeping him in place. BB grabbed the intercom microphone, holding his gun loosely.

"I want everyone to calm down. Nothing bad is going to happen to anyone as long as you do as I say."

Alex rolled his eyes; _could this guy be any more cliché?_

"You're going to sit here nice and quite while I talk to the pilot. After the pilot drops me and my buddies off, you all will be free to go. So keep quite...I'm hoping to get through this without bloodshed but..."

Here BB paused to grin and make eye contact with his cohorts, all grinning and chuckling like creepy, blood thirsty murderers; Alex couldn't resist another sigh.

"...my friends will do what they have to in order to keep the peace."

BB put down the intercom system and turned on his heel, opening the door and disappearing into the cock pit. Alex settled, deciding to wait and see what the pilot would do. It was pretty obvious the flight attendants were incapacitated and the other passengers were all quelled by fear.

_I'd just like to have one normal day._

-Time Skip-

Alex had been busy planning some inventive and snarky comebacks should the need arise when BB exited the cockpit, briefly whispering to Brutus before turning back into the cockpit and securing the door behind him. Alex watched as Brutus gave Betty and Luigi a two fingered salute, which they returned with grins. It was obvious they had gotten what they wanted, which Alex believed was a drop off at a location that was not Glasgow Airport.

The real problem was where they wanted to be dropped, why they went to such lengths to get there, and if they would even let the plane leave once they were dropped off. If the location was far enough from Glasgow, it was possible the plane wouldn't have enough fuel to make the trip back to the airport even if they were let free instead of brutally massacred to hide the tracks of BB and his crew. Suffice to say, Alex didn't think he had enough time to wait around and figure out their ultimate plan. What he needed to do was get them close enough that he could take all three of them out with limited bloodshed; he had no desire to expose his fellow passengers to death.

_Guess there’s only one thing left to do._

-Time Skip-

Alex groaned, worming his foot out from under Luigi’s body; when the brute had fallen, he landed rather uncomfortably on Alex’s foot. The blond flipped the safety on the Sauer he had liberated from Luigi, casually ignoring the shocked passengers and instead surveying the three passed out hijackers on the walkway. With a low hum of thought, Alex turned to the man who had stood to act when the hijackers had first made their move, making steady eye-contact.

"You, I want you to collect some belts and use them to tie their wrists and ankles together. Then keep an eye on them."

The man nodded, standing to pull off his own belt while a few others around him began to do the same. Alex spun on his heel, kneeling down to scoop up the two shotguns after tucking the Sauer in the back of his jeans. Once he reached the front of the cabin, he removed the magazines from the Armsel Strikers and tucked them in his pockets, leaving the now bullet-less guns on one of the empty seats. _At least now there won’t be any idiots playing with guns. God help me if someone accidentally shot themselves._

Alex reached for the gun in his pants, flicking off the safety and reaching out to knock on the cockpit's door. There was a slight pause before the door opened and Alex reacted immediately; he reached for BB's shirt, grasping a fistful of material and shoving him into the nearest wall. The cockpit door closed behind him as he rammed BB's head into the wall a few more times for good measure. The man slumped, groaning. Alex loosened his hold, allowing BB to slowly slide down the wall to slump on the floor as he groaned and bleed all over himself. The teen leaned down, pulling the firearm from the hijacker's hand. He then turned to the pilots, who were both watching him with wide eyes. One had a sluggishly bleeding wound on his brow but otherwise they seemed unharmed.

"I hope we're not too far off course; my ride is going to be very aggravated if I'm late to the airport."

The pilots blinked, turning back to the dash. They began to reroute the plane, Alex shifting his center of gravity as they banked a little too heavily to the right.

"They had us heading to Nørre Nebel."

"Any idea why?"

Before either man had a chance to answer, Alex heard the loud bang of a gun going off followed almost immediately by a tearing, burning sensation in his right calf. He winced even as he turned, bringing his gun up. Idiot, should have checked for a backup weapon. BB was standing, his gun pointed at the pilot's head, blood dripping down his nose. He grinned, teeth stained pink from the excess liquid running down from his nose.

"I don't know who you are, but I suggest you get the fuck out of the cabin before I kill you."

"Funny, I was just about to say the same thing to you."

BB gave a short bark of laughter and Alex smirked.

"Nice try kid. Get the hell out or I'll shoot the pilots."

"I really don't think you will; unless you have a piloting license I don't know about?"

"I only need one of them to fly."

“That’s funny because I only need you to be distracted shooting one of them in order to shoot you."

BB's lips twisted down in a frown.

"Seems like we're at an impasse."

"Seems like it."

Alex shifted, sending a spike of pain from his injured calf. Due to how small the cockpit was, he was almost completely blocking the co-pilot with his own body. However, BB was close enough to the pilot he could lay a hand of the man's shoulder. _Actually, that could work…_

Alex took a slight step back, causing BB to step forward in an unintentional response. He stretched his arm, placing the muzzle of his gun directly against the pilot's head, causing the man to swallow audibly though he kept his hands steady and continued to guide the plane towards its original destination.

"You will leave this cockpit and release my no doubt bound companions or I _will_ shoot this man."

Alex grinned.

"I was hoping you'd say that."

Before BB had a chance to retort, Alex raised his gun from its steady focus on the hijacker’s chest and fired. The bullet tore clean through BB's hand and continued into the top of the pilot's shoulder. BB screamed in shock, dropping his gun and grasping his wrist tightly as he cradled his heavily bleeding hand to his chest. Alex quickly executed a neat right leg kick, his foot connecting solidly with BB’s throat, causing him to drop to the floor. As Alex reached for the gun and checked BB's wound to make sure he wouldn’t bleed out, he spoke quickly to the pilots.

"Sorry for shooting you; I didn't want to let a bullet loose in here. Who knows what damage it could have done. Please contact the proper authorities and let them know that they need to have a police pickup for four criminals and also an ambulance or two. I'm going to go free the flight attendants and make sure the other hijackers are secured. I'll send someone in with a first aid kit in a moment to bandage up your wound until we can get a medic to look at it."

The pilots managed to mumble some vague affirmatives as Alex grasped BB under the armpits and hauled him out of the cockpit. Upon exiting the cockpit, he hauled BB into an empty seat in the front row, standing up to rest his hands on his waist, surveying the plane as most of the passengers stared at him blankly. 

_Now to deal with everyone else._

-Time Skip-

Alex groaned at the sheer incompetence of the operatives sent to secure the plane; they currently had him in handcuffs despite the protests of all those on board and his own terrifying, abet sarcastic warnings. The operatives had just finished ushering the last gaping citizen off the plane and now it was only the criminals, the soldiers, and Alex himself. The injured pilot had already been sent off in an ambulance, headed to a nearby hospital to get checked up. BB had been shot with some strong meds that appeared to be sending him to sleep. _Lucky sod._ The other criminals were still unconscious due to Alex’s rather thorough ass-kicking.

“Hey, hackit!”

Hackit, otherwise known as the operative tasked with watching over Alex, twitched slightly. Alex didn’t bother restraining his grin.

“Are you MI6?”

“None of your business. Keep your mouth shut.”

“Oi, if I’m being held by my own organization, I feel like I have the right to know!”

Hackit raised a brow as if challenging Alex’s claim at being apart of a military intelligence group but otherwise pretended not to hear him. The spy huffed, shifting in an attempt to settle more comfortably in the plane seat; the cuffs were tighter than they needed to be and were beginning to dig into his wrists. Not to mention he was beginning to come down from his adrenaline high and the bullet lodged in his calf was starting to become annoying.

“Agent Martin!”

Hackit ( _excuse me, I meant Agent Martin_ ) turned sharply on his heel, facing the front of the plane were two men are climbing through the open entrance.

“Sir! We weren’t expecting you.”

A single brow rises in a delicate arch.

“Of course not. Nonetheless I am here. And I am displeased.”

Martin’s jaw clenches.

“My apologies, Quartermaster. However, I do believe I have followed the instructions of Tanner to the letter.”

Q, so the dark-haired man was named, frowned.

“Excuse me? Who on this airplane has ultimate control over field operations?”

“You, sir.”

“And who is the one who alerted MI6 to this…dilemma in the first place?”

“You, sir.”

“And who was it that was in your ear the entirety of this operation, and many others besides it, keeping you and your team alive?”

“You, Quartermaster.”

Martin’s jaw loosened and he bowed his head, stepping into a seat in order to let Q and his companion pass him. Q huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and allowing his fair-haired companion to pass him.

“I thought so. 007, be a dear and release our young companion.”

Bond nodded, taking the key from the now subdued Agent Martin and kneeling down to unlock Alex’s cuffs. The blond nodded in gratitude, rubbing his wrists lightly to encourage circulation. Bond grasped his shoulder, hauling him to his feet and beginning to guide him from the plane. Q followed, shooting one last look of mild disdain in Martin’s direction.

“Well Alex, you seem to have had an interesting flight. I was quite surprised when I received an alert that your flight had changed course.”

Alex quirked a brow, struggling to hide his limp from the curious operatives milling around.

“You put a tracker on my flight? Doesn’t that seem a bit extreme to you?”

Q huffed, waving his hand as if to dispel some fly buzzing around his head.

“Nonsense. They were simply standard alert protocols. I do the same to Bond when he flies.”

Bond chuckled.

“It’s because he’s afraid of flying.”

By now they had reached an unmarked black Sedan. Q opened the back door, allowing Bond to help Alex in before climbing in after them.

“Do keep your thoughts to yourself, 007.”

The spies muffled their chuckles, being studiously ignored by the brunette, who was now taping away on a tablet.

“So your plane hijackers are actually art thieves. Apparently some Chinese dignitaries were visiting so the museum held an event on the Histories of China; personally I believe it to be a rather broad category. Anyway, I am assuming you don’t want the long, boring details. Suffice to say they borrowed a few very impressive, rare pieces from various other museums and then they were stolen. They planned to take the works to a prospective buyer in Nørre Nebel, right off the coast of Denmark. It would have been quite impressive if they had managed to get away with it. It was just their bad luck that they happened to be on the same flight as you, hm Alex?”

“Hmmm.”

Q glanced over, seeing the young blond had begun to nod off, head resting against the car window. He smiled softly, watching as Bond eased a blanket from the backseat over the resting teen. The two shared a soft look before Q turned back to his tablet; even though he was technically on vacation, he still had to turn in an incident report.

_Oh Alex, whatever shall we do with you._

**Author's Note:**

> So as far as I could tell, Bond’s mythical family home is located in Glencoe even though the area used for shooting was Glen Etive in Lochaber. Also the flight time from Warsaw to Glasgow is pretty accurate; I actually calculated the flight time because I am insane about details. Of course, as with all flights, the time can be more or less depending on when in the year you’re flying, turbulence, and all that fun stuff.  
> Also I tried to find instances of people getting shot through the hand but didn’t have much luck…in the end I decided to quote artistic license and just shoot BB through the hand even if it didn’t make sense. Sorry if it rubs anyone the wrong way. Also you’ll have to forgive me for no awesome fight scene; I am rubbish at them.  
> This fic probably shows what literal fandom trash I am but I don’t really care because I came up with a part 2 and it is probably going to be worse.  
> So recently I was told disclaimers are kind of a thing of the past? So no more disclaimers I guess…  
> Nia


End file.
